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If you’re going to attempt to turn the planet into an intergalactic fast food outlet, you should probably consider having a plan that can’t be foiled by a few Kiwi lads, especially ones that are part of The Astro Investigation and Defence Service, also known as AIDS.
Here are just a few ideas that the aliens of Peter Jackson’s Bad Taste could have utilised, to actually succeed in taking over the world, and turning us all into alien chow.
First, we should have all learned from Black Sheep that good things just don’t happen in the rolling green fields of New Zealand, unless you’ve always wanted to be turned into a sheep.
If they’d just landed in a bigger city, and changed their ship to something more appealing, like a branch of nzd casinos, or even been blatantly obvious and opened up a fast food chain, their chances of luring humans in, and getting away with it, would have increased exponentially.
Humans are definitely easier to make into burgers if they’re wandering into the abourtoir of their own accord.
Even better than luring in humans though, what about cows? Pigs? Sheep?
Surely your average, everyday alien doesn’t have a clue what humans taste like?
Plenty of businesses have succeeded by scamming people, and if they’re still getting a good burger, chances are no one would notice or care that they’re eating ordinary cattle, rather than members of the human race.
Land in your tiny New Zealand community, grab all the animals you need, and off you go! No risk of being murdered or tortured by AIDS, and your cosmic customers are still satisfied.
Of course it would lead to additional visits to earth as supply runs out, but a deal could surely be constructed that would benefit all?
The farming community of New Zealand could be the first to strike an arrangement with extra terrestrials, quite an achievement for any country!
It should also be mentioned, an important step to any planetary take over, should be checking out what the local culture is like.
A group of people all wearing blue shirts, and acting in a way that screams ‘not human!’, comes across as a cult most people will avoid. If these aliens just checked out a couple of fashion articles, they’d stand a much better chance of gaining power, and they’d look good while doing it!
Get a popular hair cut, throw on a pair of skinny jeans and a t-shirt, who knows if you’re a fleet of human eating aliens, or the next boyband preparing to take over the world with annoyingly catchy pop songs aimed towards teenagers?
Either way, your plans are obvious, but as a boyband, people might just let you get away with it.
Plus, if a human is going to be turned into an intergalactic cheeseburger, it’s much less embarrassing if they can honestly say ‘but everything seemed normal!’.
One thing that probably shouldn’t seem normal though, are their weapons.
Of course it’s for the best that shovels, normal human guns and hammers were their main choice of artillery, since it meant they were beaten and sent packing, but surely alien races have better weapons than us?
Bring a ray gun, a lightsaber, a sonic screwdriver, anything that’s better than human weaponry, and planet earth will be in the palm of your four fingered alien hand before you can even ask if they want to be served with fries.
Planning a planetary take over is sure to have its challenges, but that’s no excuse for having a sloppy take over that results in the possibility of your own planet experiencing a massacre!