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Purple Revolver was lucky enough to be invited to another Odeon Screen Unseen this week. The previous film they showed was Selma. Let’s just say it’s a great film with some stunning performances and move on.
What would Odeon have in store for us this time? One of the clues on Odeon’s Twitter page stated: “It sounds like a game, but is something entirely different…” Bit of an American kind of clue that one.
Upon entering the cinema, the same tune played ad infinitum until the film started. It was from the end of one of the early Simpsons episodes (Season 1, Episode 9 – Life on the Fast Lane), a parody of the Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes song ‘Lord Lift Us Up Where We Belong’. Well someone does get lifted up at one point.
After showing a trailer for Will Smith’s latest vehicle Focus, we got down to business. The BBFC screen came up for It Follows. It was a horror but we didn’t know it would be such utter crap.
When a film has a very basic premise and not much else, alarm bells should always be ringing. A teenage boy sleeps with a girl and passes on a curse. This curse involves a naked person slowly walking towards you. If you let it get close enough, it will kill you. The only way to lift the curse it to have sex with someone else, which will pass it on to them.
They took this concept and didn’t add much else to the skeleton, except some cool but over-used John Carpenter-esque 80s synth music and lots of slow motion. The film would be half the length if it was played at full speed for its full duration. There’s better ways to build suspense than this.
Another thing they’ve done to pad out the film is make it as titillating as possible for pubescent boys and cradle-snatchers. We are introduced to our heroine, Jay (Maika Monroe, from the contrarily excellent The Guest), in a swimming costume, camera focusing on her lithe frame as she climbs into her home swimming tub. Numerous feminine leg shots follow. All these things to distract us from the fact that this is one of the worst horror films ever.
Jason Vorhees, Freddie Krueger, Mike Myers or Leatherface would have a whale of a time tearing apart the lame villain that follows its prey. It takes a different form depending on the whim of the film-maker, but also happens to be a relative of the accursed individual. The most striking incarnation is the naked woman that urinates as she walks towards you.
If your wanting some decent horror you are better off going to France nowadays. No, you don’t have to literally travel to France, just buy A l’interieur (Inside), Frontiere(s) (Frontier(s)) or Martyrs (Martyrs) and know true horror.
Looks like with Odeon Screen Unseen you’ll win some and you’ll lose some. For a fiver, it’s always worth a punt.