DIY Christmas Movie Festival ~ Trading Places*Scrooged*Elf

Posted on 25 December 2016
By Andy Johnson
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To celebrate Jesus Birthday – why not hold your own Chrismas movie fest? It’s cold as hell and its dark at 3.50pm. Perfect chance to enjoy your fave festive films in the comfort of your own home.

Get some nibbles and line up these films for maximum yuletide joy. Not a sofa or Samaritans ad in sight.

Got some suggestions of your own – post them in the comments box below.

Elf ~ (2003) This is one of the films Will Ferrell will be remembered for,,playing Buddy the Elf to perfection… unlucky Will.

Best quotes:
“It’s just like Santa’s workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms and everyone looks like they wanna hurt me.”

Serve with: Crib sheets for debate: What has Santa done to Will Ferrel?

Planes Trains and Automobiles (1987) or substitute National Lampoons Christmas Vacation (1989 – Chevy Chase classic with a young Juliette Lewis playing his daughter)

Okay ~ so Planes, Tranes and Automobiles is actually set at Thanksgiving, but like we give a shit in England innit. Just another reason for Yanks to eat Turkey and blame us for something. Just aswell this is an all American movie showcase. Shit slickers.
Steve Martin at his manic best and John Candy (RIP) shines as the world’s most obnoxious salesman with a big heart.

Best quotes:
“I really don’t care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn’t fucking there. And I really didn’t care to fucking walk, down a fucking highway, and across a fucking runway to get back here to have you smile in my fucking face. I want a fucking car RIGHT FUCKING NOW!”
“Six bucks and my right nut says we’re not landing in Chicago.”

Muppets Xmas Carol (1992) ~ Lets face it, Michael Caine’s collection of films fall into two categories; Legend or Twat – and this definetely falls into the Twat cannon.

But its an ideal afternoon matinee that the kids can sit in on, but be prepared to explain why Gonzo’s got a dicknose, a frog is fucking a pig and that’s not the reason they have a crippled child.

Best quotes:
“Mother always taught me: Never eat singing food.”
Kermit the Frog: Please Mr. Scrooge, it’s gotten colder, and the bookkeeping staff would like an extra shovel of coal for the fire? We can’t do the bookkeeping, all our pens have turned to inkcicles!

Scrooged (1988) ~ Bill Murray is a tour de force as TV executive Francis Cross, whose life is changed by three visiting ghosts in another adaptation of Dickens’ classic. But this is unmissable. We cannot go through Christmas without sticking this on. What’s that Grandma, Wallace and Vommit are on the other channel? Have your coco and a smile and shut the fuck up!

Best quotes:
“You’ve got a promo featuring America’s favorite old fart reading a book in front of a fireplace! Now I have to kill all of you!”

“People have got to be so scared to miss this show.”

“I want to see her nipples.”

“Oh, I’m sorry – I thought you were Richard Pryor.”

“We’re indivisible. If I’m workin’ late, you GOTTA work late! If you can’t work late, I can’t work late! If I can’t work late, I CAN’T WORK LATE!”

Serve with: Rum and Coke, an eyeball and a fat cigar

Trading Places (1983) ~ by far Purple Revolver’s fave Christmas flick. And the reason we refer to Mozart’s Overture, Marriage Of Figaro as the Trading Places theme tune. Stockbroking fatcats Duke and Duke play out a Darwinian bet by switching the lives of street con artist Billy Valentine (Eddie Murphy) and their silver spoon fed employee Louis Winthorpe III (Dan Ackroyd). Hilarity ensues.

Serve with: Egg Nog and an 80s (wired to the top loader VCR) remote control to freeze frame the scene where Jamie Lee Curtis strips.

Best quotes:
“He was wearing my Harvard tie. Can you believe it? My Harvard tie. Like oh, sure he went to Harvard.”

“But Randolph… he’s a negro!”

“In Philadelphia, it’s worth 50 bucks.”

“I’m a karate man! And a karate man bruises on the inside! They don’t show their weakness. But you don’t know that because you’re a big Barry White looking motherfucker! So get outta my face!”